The first thing: fear is the other side of love. If you are in love, fear disappears. If you are not in love, fear arises, tremendous fear. Only lovers are fearless. Only in a deep moment of love there is no fear. In a deep moment of love, existence becomes a home — you are not a stranger, you are not an outsider, you are accepted. Even by a single human being you are accepted, something in the depth opens — a flower-like phenomenon in the innermost being. You are accepted by someone, you are valued; you are not futile. You have a significance, a meaning. If in your life there is no love, then you will become afraid. Then there will be fear everywhere because everywhere there are enemies, no friends, and the whole existence seems to be alien; you seem to be accidental, not rooted, not at home. Even a single human being can give you such deep at-homeness in love, what to think about when a person achieves to prayer?- OSHO
the ocean is revitalizing but also quite terrifying. the depths have remained unexplored! unseen by the human eye. i know people surf lake michigan..but the pacific ocean?! it’s a little different. only the world’s LARGEST body of water. my first experience with surfing was at elcocoloco. a local friend, victor took me out. like out, out! to the outside! i learned quickly what it meant to be ‘washing machined’. sucked under a seemingly small wave, crashing down on me. straight panic. not a good idea. get me out of here! city girl battling the ocean. yeah, i knew who would win that combat.
after my 2nd surf sesh i decided surfing was not for me. nearly drown. my entire body sore. WHY would i put myself through that again? yoga feels so much better! i’m a triple earth sign, astrologically. i like equal steady ground. i would learn to have respect for the ocean, and embrace it slowly with caution.. but surfing just wasn’t going to happen.
within a week, jamie took me out again. i knew he was right. if i waited too long to get back in the water, i would get into my crazy brain and freak myself out. i needed to just go back out there. play. its about having FUN! deep breathe, nikki! i went out, in the white wash with jamie. he was super calm and positive. i popped up a few times and plopped down a few more. but it was fun. and relaxing. well, maybe not relaxing but i was embracing the novelty of the ocean. the salt water up my nose, my bikini bottoms falling down, losing a contact. allowing the ocean to embrace ME.
later, jackie told me that her surfer friends in california, like even the big surfer dudes sing ‘twinkle, twinkle little star’ when the get sucked under by a wave. at first i thought what? weird. but seriously, it WORKS! it brings your mind to a peaceful, secure place. and of course, i LOVE the sky, and twinkling stars! so rather than thinking, ‘holy shit when am i going to come to the surface, i’ve been under for a lifetime’ while my body is tightening up and my breath is shortening
… i surrender my body and relax under the water. flowing with wave rather than pushing against it. my mind goes to a place of trust and patience. i will come back up soon. my heart rate slows down and my breath becomes more steady. there are times where i come up a little shook up, even short of breath. but i am also trying to ride a 6 foot something board on the heartbeat of our planet. pretty powerful. respect and accept. teaching me to be humble.
love instead of fear. the fear is only an illusion. a mask. Fear of Fear. Fear of the unknown. The mysterious ocean. Fear of the rumbles and shakes. Fear OF LOVE. Fear of Freedom. allow it to be a meditation. everything. the breath, the water, the mystery, the vastness, the vitality and exhilaration. even the frustration!
you don’t have to nose dive straight into it. you can just put your feet in to test the water. its really warm, alluring. sitting between infinite possibilities. surrounded by encouraging and inspiring friends! enjoy the space between vitality and dissolution. paradise. being in the ocean, i feel connected. to myself and the things below me far, far away that no one has unveiled. once i paddle through a few sets and finally make it out, i can sit and enjoy the clear sky. watching clouds go by.
witnessing. with full presence. that’s when you can see and hear your inner beat.
dreams. imagination. rejuvenation. creation.
“On our water planet, she is a stormy sea, a deep fathomless pool, a flowing river, a warm, steady rain. She quenches fire, absorbs its energy and generates new life. She is the egg of new life.” -Bob Sellers (also artist of painting at top of post)
